On The Phone!

and by "on the phone" I mean: "at the gym"
and by "at the gym" I mean: "I'm lying"

Ginger Ale

It would be much more convienient if the taps here had the extra setting of: "ginger ale"


HOT - COLD - SCHWEPPES

America's Funniest Home Videos

This post is to raise attention to the seedy underground of America's Funniest Home Videos. Family's so dedicated to the $10,000 prize, they spend their entire lives coaching their children, and yearning for recognition. Children raised as slaves to home video by competing parents.


It's The American Dream.
However, underneith lies a contest. Fixed.

Like a son or daughter's gymnastics coach, pushing too hard; this is not fair to our children.

As an example; on a daily basis these kids are made to hit t-balls into the groin of an elder, repeatedly act out the charade of falling asleep only to doze off face first into a birthday cake. They collapse pool after pool (with hilarious results), and are even forced to run back and forth through a sprinkler, some days, for hours, until finally they collide.
They are coached to ensure optimum hilarity.

These children are forced to endure the emotional damage of watching their parents fall from trees, garage rooftops, witness countless ATV accidents, and go through wedding rehearsal after rehearsal until they inevitably say something adorable, or ideally, ruin the wedding altogether.

Not to mention, wives, encouraged to let that Llama spit on them a few times; just until Daddy gets the money shot.

And for what?

So that jerk-off replacement can offer them a chance to win a modest amount of prize money?
Is $10,000 adequate retribution for little Paul's numerous trampoline accidents?
For every time he fell off a Shetland pony? Under the instruction of his overbearing father to: "throw the ride for AFV"
Spending months in a cast, only to be put back to work immediately upon healing.
"Ok Paulie, this time try'n land on yer face, ok?" "...now push your sister off her bike. That's gold, son!"

Apparently, there's dirty money to be made.



Bob Saget would be rolling in his grave...
(if he weren't signing his wife up for unlicensed para-sailing lessons.)