How Danny DeVito Invented Popcorn

This is the only surviving excerpt from a story I wrote called How Danny DeVito Invented Popcorn


Arnold Schwartzeneger was in his trailor, juggling 500 pound bags of sand when his Twins co-star Danny DeVito excitedly burst through the door. He had a husk of corn in one hand, blowtorch in the other and an excited look on his face. "You gotta see this!" DeVito exclaimed, then demonstrated his ability to "pop" corn. Arnold was curious, but confused. "But Danny, why iz it white? It's c'ern,"Arnold asked. DeVito could offer no explanation. "So iz dat what's in da c'ern?" Arnold looked puzzled, and unable to comprehend. "I...uh.. I guess so," DeVito quietly said, distracted by his thoughts. He thought to himself, "If it's just corn, why not try to eat it." He ate a piece. A pleasant smile of approval overcame his face. "Arnold! It's delicious!" he exclaimed, "Try this!" Arnold was hesitant, almost frightened, but forcing himself to remain calm. "I refvuse to eat your c'ern fluvf, Danny. No." "But.." DeVito began to speak but was quickly interrupted. "Dees small white eggsplosions offend me. Take them from my sight." Arnold was becoming increasingly angry. "No, Arnie, you got them all wrong.." DeVito pleaded, but was interrupted again. "Danny DeVito, I a'vize you to remove these fluffy eggsplosions from my trailor, or I vill crush your small, fat body like a strezz ball, leaving your remainz to be eaten by birds of various shapes, sizes and colorz" It was apparent that Arnold had lost his cool. Danny decided it was time to leave. But Danny knew he was onto something. His new found snack was delicious. He walked around the set and demonstrated it to others allowing them a sample. They, unlike Arnold, agreed with Danny. The "popcorn" was delicious. He took the advice of a production engineer and brought his snack to a mutual friend, Orville Reddenbacher. Both Danny and the engineer agreed that if anyone would know what to do with this delicious snack, it would be Orville. Reddenbacher simply suggested, "Put butter on it."

lawnmower

When a man mows his lawn, he is alone with his thoughts.
Those thoughts are often about mowing grass.